Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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