Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
