How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
