she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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