I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize