I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
