dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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