You're so nebulous sometimes
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
love makes seman taste better
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
