my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
