gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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