i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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