I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
