i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
