just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
