I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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