HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
