just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize