He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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