her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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