Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
