Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
