we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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