It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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