he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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