the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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