you turned your livingroom into a bong?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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