sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
