The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
