I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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