I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize
