my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
