they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
