Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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