whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
