part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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