I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize