My Higher Power is John Stamos
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
