I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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