Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
