Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We left an ass print on the piano.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize