wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
