sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
