Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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