A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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