So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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