I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
