Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
