6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
