better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
