Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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