the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
