dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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