I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
