I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
