You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
