____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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