I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
