I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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