So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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