i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
