6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
