I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
