I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
