The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
