Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
