Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
