i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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