I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
