apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
