So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
