More tranny stories later!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
