the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
