Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
